she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
