i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
