The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
