The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
