shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
