I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
if i died would you start the facebook group?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
