"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
