K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize