i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
