walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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