Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
