I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
