you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
