Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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