i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize