I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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