So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
