I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
