even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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