I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
