I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
