I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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