There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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