Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
