you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
it's like heaven, but drunker
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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