We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
