So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
