11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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