Porn is love you can see.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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