So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
