Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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