i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I've blown a few things in my day
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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