so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
worst night to have a conscience
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
