We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
