I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
