I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
