hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The beer is more important than you right now.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
