i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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