What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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