remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
