I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize