Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
did i just pee glitter
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
