so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize