So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
