I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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