if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
