I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
