I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
