Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
