Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Randomize