You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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