I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
