every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I have tasted many bathrooms
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
