I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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