Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
