Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize