You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
