Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
