Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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