im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
and i looked up. we had an audience...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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