Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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