Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
operation harelip BJ is a go
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
