yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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