The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
