never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
