If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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