she kept yelling 'call me bella'
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
