Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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