someone threw a dead crab at me
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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