hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
