one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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