we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Pants are for mortals
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
