I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Define "chronic" masturbator.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
