ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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