PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
