Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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