god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
